The Awakening

Staring at the ceiling through my eyelids
Imagining a better place than this,
Pretending not to feel you move inside me;
Wishing that my body did not exist.

For so long now I have been sleeping,
Moving through my life while in a dream
But I’m awake now and I’ve been thinking,
There has to be more to life than this.

Maybe I’d be better off still sleeping,
Living in my “dream within a dream”
Then, my love, you’d be worth keeping
My ignorance would be your bliss.

But I’m awake now, and I’ve been thinking
That life will be easier without you.
I’ve got to quiet down the screaming,
Can’t be scared to open my eyes to see you.

I am sorry you don’t understand me,
My pain always was your greatest joy.
Without you, my heart is healing quickly,
The old scars healing anew.

Because once awake I felt my mind scream
In horror at falling so far;
And once awake I could hear my heart cry,
Emptied of love through reopened scars.

And now that I’m awake I’m leaving,
Perhaps then you will wake up too.
I won’t be sorry when your heart sighs,
You know you let me down too.

-S.E. Rittel-
-2008-